I can't feel at home in this world anymore

You see the problem with this life is that everything is temporary, nothing lasts forever. And that has in the past (and sometimes in the present) brought me great discouragement. I failed to see the point of it all (work, life, friends, etc). This year, I started a new job, one that I am qualified to do (is that not what it is about? Get a degree, do something you love, get married and die happy?). Sadly NOT.

I learnt something while I was in varsity, when I still could be the 'master' of my own time and not the other way around (being mastered by time or the lack thereof). I learnt that nothing truly satisfies in this world. I learnt it is not about me, it was NEVER about me. It is and has always been about the great I AM.

But I forgot those lessons at the beginning of this year: when I started earning a salary that is higher than my previous salary. I forgot the timeless lessons when I experienced such amazing love and care from my manfriend, that helped make the pressures of this world so much easier to handle. I forgot those truths when my life was seemingly going just the way it ought.

But here's the thing, once your life is not your own: The ONE who owns it makes sure that no matter how good it gets, in your eyes. No matter how blurred your vision of Him might be: because by His grace, He has allowed you to taste His sweet providence. He is still enthroned in Heaven. He continues to reign over all the earth and everything in it. He remains God and He will rule throughout eternity. And by saving grace, I am His and this world is not all there is to Him and His Kingdom.

 So He reminds me of that, sadly I don't learn as fast as I forget.

Suddenly, my salary isn't enough anymore, my expectations from my fiance are those only Jesus himself can meet, the pressures of this world have mounted so high that I am barely coping with each day (but grace abounds and I cope).

This world is not my home... I am just passing by...  

As the prospect of marriage becomes real and life continues to happen. My heart longs to be with my best friend till death parts us. The distance is getting harder to bare yet I will hold on and persevere, not out of my own strength but as grace is given me each day. I know though that my life as a single woman right now is meant to be consecrated and devoted to the Lord, my marriage ought to be the same, more so now that "I can't feel at home in this world anymore".

The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.  In that day they will say, "Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation."

Amen